Some more pics

Tommy and Eva

The rainbow

This appeared in the hills above Puget Sound at the reception. Pretty cool...

Parson Dan and the Fire Boat

Parson Dan (the officiating minister) is also a Seattle Fireman. he had his buddies come out just after the ceremony and squirt water all over the place. Not sure if there's any symbolism there, but I figured I'd publish it...

Crazy drunken dancing people, er, except for the kids of course....

Pics of the ceremony

Look closely at this T Shirt

Demo wedding pics from this past weekend

Here are some pics from Demo's wedding...

True Headline this time...

"Searchers Find No Sign of Killer Shark"
http://www.wyff4.com/family/16020647/detail.html

Er...except for the dead guy?

A new blog...a must see!

This one comes courtesy of Tigerhawk, and is FANTASTIC!

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

What the F is this?

What is this?

David Hasselhoff is New Spokesman for U.S. Beef Council…

Beverly Hills, CA –After months of searching, the U.S. Beef Council announced today that actor/singer David Hasselhoff will be their new spokesperson. Hasselhoff, 55, said he was pleased with the deal, and he looked forward to getting started soon. “I love beef, I eat it frequently, so this is a great fit for me”, the actor told us this afternoon. Hasselhoff’s agenda will help promote the consumption of beef by young and old alike. He is best known for his portrayal of lone crime-fighter Michael Knight in “Knight Rider” and a buff lifeguard in “Baywatch”, both television programs popular in North America in the 1980’s and 1990’s.

Hasselhoff also appeared in a candid video that featured him, severely inebriated, chowing on a Wendy’s cheeseburger. The video, filmed by his eldest daughter, was meant to convince him to cease drinking alcoholic beverages. It appeared on the Internet and quickly became popular. It was this video that led the U.S. Beef Council to consider Hasselhoff for the new position.

FASHION NEWS: Fundamentalist Mormon Ladies Spark Summer Fashion Trend

San Angelo, TX – Fashion Designers like Donna Karan and Tommy Hilfiger are buzzing about the hottest fashion trend for the coming summer season: Fundamentalist Mormon chic. The recent raid of a Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Texas has ignited excitement in the fashion world. Donna Karan said, “ We love the plain, clean lines, modest frocks, and simple color schemes. We are going to incorporate these themes into our summer line”. The women of the church typically dress modestly in accordance with their religious principles. Karan’s fashion group, DKNY, will market their new summer line under the brand name “Calling for Zion". Look for it in stores in May 2008.

Opening a Beer Bottle With a Chainsaw

very cool...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbK3-EfJd-w&eurl=http://www.tigerhawk.blogspot.com/

HUD Secretary Jackson Resigns to Spend More Time with Drinking Pals…

Washington, DC – Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Alphonso Jackson announced his resignation today. In a statement, Mr. Jackson said he feels a great deal of pride to have been a part of the Bush Administration, but that it was time to move on. Mr. Jackson said the job was a monumental strain on his relationship with several DC-area drinking buddies. “I am at a crossroads in my life, and I must make the right decision for the future”, the statement read. Mr. Jackson spends a large part of his time at Murphy’s Old Town, a tavern in Alexandria with several pals from his days as a student at Washington University’s Law School.

While at HUD, Jackson was credited with instilling a new commitment to ethics and accountability in the agency. President Bush issued a statement commending Jackson’s service. “ Alphonso has made a positive difference at HUD, and we thank him for his service”, the statement read.

Elderly Woman Blames Hot Flashes on Global Warming…

Boca Raton, FL – A Florida woman has blamed her recent hot flashes on global climate change. Bessie Mae Brown, aged 83, told us that she has experienced increasing episodes of the post-menopausal symptom as the earth has warmed. “I can tell as time goes by that my hot flush has increased, and I been around a long time”, Ms. Todd said. She became aware of the possible link between her symptoms and global warming after viewing the Al Gore moving picture “An Inconvenient Truth”. Hers would be the first confirmed case of global warming-induced post-menopause hot flashes. Scientists are studying her condition to determine if a link exists.

Golf Fan Trades Wife for Master’s Badge

Augusta, GA – In a move reminiscent of the popular 1993 movie “Indecent Proposal”, a man traded his wife for 24 hours in exchange for a 2008 Master’s golf tournament ticket. The couple, who wish to remain anonymous, told us that they met a ticket-broker at a Hooter’s Restaurant on Washington Avenue in Augusta. The broker agreed to accept the services of the wife in exchange for a one-day badge to the fabled tournament. Asked if this arrangement could cause problems in their marriage going forward, the man replied “Are you kidding? I got to go to the Master’s ‘sans’ the wife. We’ll do this again next year”. The wife told us that she was pleased with the deal and looks forward to her next trip to Augusta. As for what particular services were rendered in exchange for the ticket, the couple wouldn’t say. The leadership of Augusta National Golf Club officially frowns upon trading tickets among patrons, but they declined further comment.

Local Drunk Blames "Jesus Take the Wheel" Song for Car Crash….

Wando, SC – A local man involved in a car crash Friday night has blamed the Carrie Underwood hit “Jesus Take the Wheel” for the accident. The man told police that he had been drinking heavily at a local bar between 5pm and 11:30pm. On his way home, the man tuned his radio to a country station that was playing the popular country tune. “I was fairly drunk and felt that the Lord was speakin’ to me. So I let Jesus take my wheel”, the man said. Jesus, apparently in a bid to teach the man a lesson, turned the wheel off the road and into a bridge abutment. “I feel lucky I didn’t get hurt”, said the man. He has not been charged pending completion of the investigation.

New posts coming soon..

Sorry for no posts since Wednesday. I had to report to a local government office for political re-education. I'll have some more posts tonight...

Actor’s Head Explodes While Taping Sudafed Commercial

Santa Monica, CA – A horrible accident occurred today during the filming of a Sudafed Sinus Medication commercial. A spokesman for LIME Studios says that engineers and actors were filming an upcoming spot for the anti-histamine medication when something went tragically wrong.

The popular TV ads feature people suffering from head congestion. Their heads swell up until they take Sudafed, then the swelling goes down. An engineer who worked on the commercial told us “I just don’t know what went wrong. Everything was going like it always did when ‘BAM’, the guy’s head just exploded and showered us with all sorts of nasty brain tissue”. Filming of the ads has been suspended until the studio can figure out the cause of the accident.

The unfortunate actor has not yet been identified publicly pending notification of next of kin.

Duke Lacrosse Scandal Harms Underground Economy

Durham, NC – The aftermath of the infamous Duke Lacrosse scandal has lead to dreadful economic times for the community’s “underground economy”. Local sex workers say that because of the false accusations of rape and kidnapping they cannot find enough work to support their growing families. “Taz”, a 32 year old sex worker, says she hasn’t been called to perform naked for any parties since the scandal erupted in 2006. “I’ve got babies to feed. If I can’t work, who’s gonna feed ‘em?” she says. Folks in allied industries have similar complaints. “Andrew”, a bouncer at a local gentleman’s club, says that guys are too afraid to come in these days.

Local government officials have launched a special assistance program for these workers who operate largely in the shadows of the high-brow elite college community. Sex workers can apply for benefits ranging from relocation assistance to other towns to special job training. The job training is offered at nearby Durham Technical College and includes courses such as: Stripper Pole Polishing 101, Condom Application for Beginners, and Introduction to Not Living Like a Complete Whore.

A city spokesperson says that offering the assistance is a great way to transition the workers back into the community and to improve the image of the city.

Man Loses Courageous Battle With Video Poker…

Waterloo, SC – A Laurens County man died early Sunday after a lengthy struggle with a video poker addiction. Friends say Albert Eugene Scruggs, 55, died doing what he loved, sitting in front of a video screen smoking cigarettes.

Video poker has been outlawed in South Carolina for years, but back-alley parlors do exist, much like the corn liquor distilleries of long ago. Scruggs attended one such parlor in a ramshackle building off of Highway 221 in Waterloo. The parlor serves as a gathering place for working class men like Scruggs.

Scruggs often worked as an itinerant janitor in the local textile mills, but recently was employed at the parlor where he swept floors and cleaned the bathroom for free popcorn and smokes. Friends say that Scruggs was on a roll Saturday night, winning big, when tragedy struck. Police were called and Scruggs was found slumped over his favorite poker machine. He was pronounced dead at the scene. The cause of death has not been determined. A memorial service will be held this evening at the poker parlor.

Britney Starts Period…

Beverly Hills, CA – Sources inside Cedars-Sinai Medical Center told this web log that Britney Spears has begun menstruating for the month of April. Speaking on conditions of strict anonymity, these sources claim that Spears, age 27, became aware of the issue shortly after waking up in the hospital this morning. Spears had been admitted to the center for what was reported as yet another episode of complete lunacy. Spears allegedly drove her Mercedes SUV to a local gas station and began pumping PREMIUM gasoline into the car. Standers-by intervened and she was rushed to Cedars, an entourage of police, paparazzi, and avid fans trailing behind as they sped down Sunset Boulevard.

When Ms. Spears became aware of the menstruation, the medical staff rushed to her aid, bringing a variety of sanitary products to mitigate the situation. Our sources say that, while the situation was “intense”, Spears was never in any danger.

Spears, a vocalist and dancer, has two children with cult leader Kevin Federline. She resides in Beverly Hills on occasion.

Spitzer Spouse Angry Over ‘Extra Fees’…

The wife of disgraced former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is reportedly angered by what she characterized as “extra fees” found on the governor’s bill from Emperor’s Club VIP, a high-priced call-girl service. Ex-gov Spitzer used the services of the Club several times over the past year, reportedly paying over $1,000 per hour for the companionship of Alexandre Dupre, a New York call girl.

Silda Spitzer told friends that the bill included charges for an in-room movie (Blades of Glory), alcohol (6 mixed liquor cocktails), 2 cotton towels, a spa treatment, and an order of spicy buffalo chicken wings from room service. “If that skank (Dupre) thinks we’re payin for her booze and food, she’s got another thing comin”, Ms. Spitzer is reported to have said. It remains unclear whether Mr. Spitzer will seek a refund for those charges.

Mogadishu Mayor Hopes ‘StreetFest’ Will Increase Tourism…

Mayor Kwame Mfuta of Mogadishu, Somalia announced today that the city will host a new festival in the Bakaara Market neighborhood in a bid to increase tourism in the city. Activities will include halal baking classes, street vendors, jihadi musical groups, puppet shows, face-painting and hate-filled sermons shouted out by radical clerics.

The city has fallen on hard times since…well…since it was founded in 900 A.D..The city gained notoriety in 1993 when a group of American Army Rangers was ambushed in the center of the city. The resulting battle resulted in approximately 1,000 Mogadishuans being chewed to pieces by Apache helicopter gunships.

The ‘StreetFest’ will bring thousands of tourists to the heart of the city, says Mayor Mfuta. ‘StreetFest’ will be held on Thursday evenings after prayers. Tickets are 10 shillings in advance, 15 shillings at the gate. Infidels are not welcome…

Females Have Largest Carbon Footprint, Study Shows

A U.N. report published today says that the female gender exhibits the largest carbon footprint of the two sexes. Bound to generate controversy, the study spans two decades of research into the energy consumption of men and women in mainly industrialized countries. The authors point to female's use of hairspray, curling irons, their longer and more frequent showers, their excessive use of toilet paper and cosmetics, getting lost while driving (resulting in more fuel consumption), and frequent trips to drycleaners as reasons for the larger carbon output.
To combat the problem, the study authors suggest new legislation in developed countries to curb the excessive carbon output. Possible legislative solutions include banning curling iron use for more than 5 minutes, requiring females to have GPS navigation systems installed in their cars, limiting toilet paper to 3 squares per bathroom visit, and encouraging the use of environment-friendly cosmetics like dirt, clay, or mud.
We tried to reach the authors for comment and learned from their spouses that they were “unavailable for comment for the foreseeable future”. We will stay on this story as it develops…